Tale of the Tape, Ministry v. DDP Stalker Angle

Well, I thought I'd put this up because one day, I got to thinking about the similarities between the Ministry of Darkness and the DDP/ The Takers (Under and Sara) saga. You can also call this, "Looks like Diana's had some time off of work." I'm figuring I'll be adding to this, so check in from time to time. And if you have one to add, just mail me.

 

 

Stalking Victim:

DDP/ The Takers: Sara Taker

Ministry of Darkness: Stephanie McMahon

 

Resident Pervert:

DDP/ The Takers: DDP, for sniffing around in underwear drawers.

Ministry of Darkness: Taker (for getting into all that S&M (flogging Christian) and putting women on symbols while feeling them up (Ken Shamrock's sister). SOB was pretty kinky then, eh?

 

Sacrifical Victim:

DDP/ The Takers: Under and Sara Taker's privacy

Ministry of Darkness: Dennis Knight, in one of the most painful moments on WWF TV, to date.

 

"Mark" References:

DDP/ The Takers: You betcha, one done by Sara herself

Ministry of Darkness: Three, by Vince and Stephane McMahon and Ken Shamrock

 

Official "This is Fuckin' Goofy" Moment:

DDP/ The Takers: 4-wheelers in the field. I was personally waiting for slow motion, closeups of their smiling faces, soft focus, and one of those cheesy 70's easy rock songs.

Ministry of Darkness: Tie between the Black Wedding and Big Bossman's "I love everyone" plus group hug during the CorpMin, with Undie looking pissed.

 

Movie where Quotes Were Snagged:

DDP/ The Takers: Full Metal Jacket, Young Guns, and various Clint Eastwood Westerns.

Ministry of Darkness: Excalibur (for chanting purposes). Also, post Ministry same year, he took, "Phony Tough, Crazy Brave" out of Full Metal Jacket.

 

Primary Foe:

DDP/ The Takers: Diamond Dallas Page, who many call white trash.

Ministry of Darkness: Steve Austin, who many call white trash.

 

Bad Actress:

DDP/ The Takers: Sara Taker, living up to the blonde bimbo stereotype

Ministry of Darkness: Ryan Shamrock, living up to the blonde bimbo stereotype

 

Vehicles of Choice:

DDP/ The Takers: Bikes, Diesel trucks, 4-wheelers

Ministry of Darkness: Cadillacs (used by Acolytes to stuff victims into), Lincolns (same), limos (remember, "Where to, Stephanie? BWAHAHAHA!!)

 

Taker's Objects of Affection:

DDP/ The Takers: Sara, beer, chaw, dark red hair with flaming orange juice blonde roots, and Little Debbie snack cakes.

Ministry of Darkness: Stephanie, major eyeliner, black hair with flaming orange juice blonde roots, and Little Debbie snack cakes.

 

Fashion Faux Pas:

DDP/ The Takers: Taker's white cowboy hat and rib eatin' bib

Ministry of Darkness: The chin rodent, bathrobe, and fruity wrestling gear.

 

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch Moments:

DDP/ The Takers: Any time Taker decides to run.

Ministry of Darkness: When Senòr Dumbass decides to stay on after a TORN groin muscle, among other injuries that REALLY fucked him up.

 

Super Sidekick(s):

DDP/ The Takers: Wanna-be badass Sara Taker and a seemingly reluctant Kane.

Ministry of Darkness: A Bevy of Badasses: Bradshaw, Faarooq, Mideon, Viscera, and a seemingly reluctant Kane.

 

Stalking Weapon of Choice:

DDP/ The Takers: Video Camera, narration provided by DDP and Sara

Ministry of Darkness: Full-fledged crew with video cameras. Narration in front-yard symbol burning provided by Mr. Taker.

 

Calling Card:

DDP/ The Takers: DDP's lipstick on the mirror (I Know Where You Are...)

Ministry of Darkness: A bit more flair here- burning symbols in the front yard.

 

Battle of the Bulge:

DDP/ The Takers: Yep, still battling with that middle-age gut.

Ministry of Darkness: Yep, although he had that scary slim-down time (WM XV)

 

Wearer of the Leather Pants:

DDP/ The Takers: Under and Sara Taker

Ministry of Darkness: Bradshaw and Faarooq

 

 

Date Written: (7-6-01)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

&nbs